NORMAL
CHOICE MOVIE: Crybaby. Great movie. Okay, I lied, it's a really cheesy movie that has little or no plot but I like it b/c it has a young Johnny Depp in leather and a blue tear tattoo'd to his face.
What is normal? Everyone keeps saying that life needs to go back to normal, but what is that? Is it what I did today? I woke up at 7:40ish, rushed a shower, pulled some crappy clothes on and went to school. Then I actually went through a whole day of school, came home, went to the library, walked the Cottonwood, then sat my ass down at the computer. Perfectly normal. But nothing is normal anymore. Nothing feels right.
It's like, oh, I dunno, maybe shoes. It's like you have a favorite pair of shoes, right? You wear them w/everything whether they match or not, just b/c they're comfy and YOU like them. Fuck e-one else, right? Well, then, okay, they're suede, so they get wet and they're ruined and you can't wear them anymore and your mother hates looking at them so she throws them away. They're just gone. You can't get them back. There aren't anymore shoes sold like those anymore either. More to the point, do you actually want another pair of shoes that look just like those shoes?
Okay, maybe not the best illustration, but still. I want my shoes back, why'd they have to get wet?
3 Comments:
"Normal" is redefined every time someone close to us dies.
Even comfortable, mindless routines and patterns aren't exempt, because each death causes a stutter in that routine. And the stutter never goes away, altering--even in an imperceptable way--the routine forever.
People will tell you how you should feel, and they're just trying to help. But you'll deal with this in your own way, in your own time. Chad's death will leave a scar on you that won't look like the scar he's left on his mother, or his teachers, or anyone else.
Your wound is your wound alone. You are entitled to hurt from it in your own way. And you're entitled to heal in your own way, too.
Cindy
nothing will ever be "normal" again. you'll learn to adjust, but everytime anything happens, his face will appear in your head and you will always think "i wish chad was here". that's how people go on forever. it fucking sucks at first, but after a while it will be bring a smile to your face. i dunno what everyone has and will tell you about your situation, but that little ache inside will never go away. it makes you stronger, but it will always hurt. your shoe illustration was absolutely perfect and will stay in my head forever. even though your favorite shoes are gone, you'll always remember that you loved them. it's obvious why he was impressed by you:)
You know what? I also loved the shoe analogy. Absolutely brilliant.
Cindy
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