SPAZ

OMG!!! I'm freaking out so bad. Okay, like, no one could ever really tell, I mean, I'm just sitting here, perfectly calm like and all, but really, I'm having a spaz attack. Today Jamie and I went to La James for an interview or whatever b/c we are considering becoming cosmetologists and starting our own business. Anyway, I had one of my strange, "fuck the world" episodes whilst in the middle of it and a sort of calm misery descended over in front of my eyes while Jamie was getting her hair curled in an obscene Shirley Temple manner.

What I saw in movie like format was Jamie and I going to college together, living together, graduating and starting a business together....IN IOWA. And staying in Iowa, forever. Now, normally, this would not be disturbing...exactly. I mean, I always knew at the back of my mind that we'd prolly stay here, it is only reasonable, but do I want that? What do I want? There is nothing at all wrong with the whole scenario, I mean it works, I guess, but does it work for me? I wish I knew. Plain truth of the matter is, I don't think it would work for me. But I really wish it would, b/c then my life would be so much easier.

Some peeps may think I'm an absolute freak for spazzing over something like this, but this really matters to me. I need to know what to do. I need a plan. NOW. I just wish I knew what I want to do.