SEMI-PSYCHO PHILOSOPHY 101

So, I'ma enthrall everyone w/my glorious new perspective on life. Okay, maybe it's not glorious, and maybe it's not new either, but it's my perspective. That's right MINE. I don't care if you disagree, b/c that's your god/constitutional given right, but here it is(ps. this is long):

I'm dying. From the very first breath that I took when I was shot from my mother's crotch, I have been dying. perhaps even b4 that, maybe as the semen first penetrated the egg and formed me, that's when my death began. That tiny heart formed and there went a thump thump thump. My little brain began to send signals of awareness and involuntary functions as I floated around in the little world of my mothers stomach. You get the picture. When my life began, so did my death.

Everyone knows this. It's common sense. I just don't think everyone thinks about it. It's a tiny detail really. We take life for granted. We put off things that we think are important b/c there'll always be a tomorrow in which to finish the unfinished. I won't lie, I'm the biggest procrastinator that I know. What I've recently acknowledged, however, is the fact that I may not finish the unfinished. I'm dying. I could die at any moment. This thought used to make me happy, now it just makes me realize how much I have left to accomplish.

I think the thought of a future keeps us from experiencing life. Personally, I am extremely cautious by nature. I always think about the repercussions of just about any decision I make, which in turn makes me extremely indecisive. Recently, I've noted that maybe I'm holding myself back. Correcting this flaw is harder than one might think. It also goes against the grain of mainline thinking. In a world that wants you to conform, being yourself is not the happiest option. Well, it's not the easiest. However, I am convinced that if this is my only life, and it could end at any moment, then perhaps I should begin to live. This means accepting my worst fears and moving past them. This means that maybe I'll fail. Maybe I'll become nothing and nobody and everyone will hate me and I'll be forgotten by obscurity, but ultimately how bad can it be? Eventually, everyone is forgotten. Details are blurred. Life goes on for the race, just not you. Ultimately, you do not matter. As Tyler Durden says, "You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake...we are all a part of the same compost heap." I am an inane detail.

I want to live life to it's fullest before I die. I want to experience joy, sorrow, love, hate, disappointment, serenity, chaos, pain and [insert emotion here] w/e else there is to feel to the utmost. I want some high highs and some low lows. I don't want to cower behind stoicism. I don't want to be afraid of life. I could really care less exactly how long I live, I just want to understand as much of the human spectrum as I can while I am alive. I think Chad gave up too soon. I don't want to regret NOT doing something. Therefore, this is my statement in semi-formal, semi-binding writing. I will henceforth strive to do it all.

fine print: philisophical standings are subject to change through time/experience/heavy medication and/or sleep.